small faith

to blog,
to write,
to journal,
to type out my thoughts
allows the privilege of editing
& being sure of what i share.

to speak
my thoughts
aLOUD
to others
to do so in the moment they are passing by
is
to reveal myself
to risk being known
to dare to be understood or misunderstood.

i prefer to write rather than to speak.
yet, in times of fear
i speak
uncensored
in order
to hear myself think...
in hope
that some one
will speak
my words
my truth
my small faith
back to me.

wonder

photo: http://polycandelon.com

murmur: a soft or gentle utterance

murmuration: a flock of starlings

http://www.islandsandrivers.com/our-films/#murmuration

the edge

the song in its entirety

is not relevant to me.

yet,

the word imagery of Lady Gaga

in one phrase resonates;

a lyrical line

of revelation

& significance.

an intimate space,

a moment of holiness ,

a sense of such goodness,

that I recognize

the One who knows me by name

is present.

~I'm on the edge of glory

and I'm hanging on a moment of truth~

on a dance floor

a cowboy
danced with me
3 songs in a row, last night.
he was forthright.
he told me how smart he was,
and how wealthy he was,
he told me how good looking & strong.
he told me how talented he was,
while we 2-stepped to the music.
my response after the listening:
"wow, all that and you are humble too."
(i'm not sure he heard me over the noise.)

i danced with another cowboy
who could not speak but a squeak.
his frame and voice
were altered by some harm or disease.
he motioned "would you like to dance?"
and i accepted.
we danced
3 songs in a row, in silence
and
i felt his confidence
in who he was
as an altered man,
humble, strong, & gracious.

dancing is a sensory language.
dancing speaks more than movement,
it speaks of character.
last night i learned
that confidence is
a quality that needn't introduce itself.
last night i remembered
that confidence is...
able to carry a person forward
in a steady rhythm
to an unfamiliar tune.

habitation

this summer is a time for nesting
and a time for spreading my wings.

ART JOURNALING
with no rules
PAINTING
with fingers
SKETCHING
with intuitive marks
READING
with colored pencil underlinings
PRAYING
with wordless prayers
BELIEVING
with small faith
FLYING
in to an open space
unknown, uncharted...
and finding space to nestle in.

Late Fragment

And
did you get
what you wanted from this life,
even so?

I did.

And what did you want?

To call myself beloved,
to feel myself beloved on the earth.

~Raymond Carver

new habitation

i went back to college @ a merry mature age,

studying ART for education as my declared/desired major.

when I graduated from college

i continued creating ART and pursued teaching.

i was surprised by a hiring freeze and no job. 

i was then educated by 18 months of substitute teaching

and surmised to myself 
that this might be my manner of existence.

i felt like Alice contiually tumbling into the unknown.

i was shocked when offered a job to teach ART...

with gratitude and excitement, i accepted the job.

i have been reading: This Time I Dance.

the book has come into my hands at just the right time.

The author, Tama, tells a story

of pursuing her desire to be a writer

through a series of essays.

i found the following excerpt to be particularly meaning-full this a.m.

>Okay, I hate to break it to you, but get ready for maddening days.  You've just leaped from an established life and you're all gung ho -crazed really- to begin a new established life and yet, what's this, you suddenly can't heave yourself out of bed and it takes you eight hours to finish your "morning" coffee.  All your spirit has fizzled and you're moving in slow motion and now you've started to scare yourself into thinking that maybe this is it: You really are incompetent and you've just started your brand new futile life.

Well, please stop terrorizing yourself.  You're right on track.  I know you want to do, do, do.  But this time asks of you your "undoing". Floating without a context or a business card.  Unleashing tears you may have shunned for years.  Dying to your shell and inhabiting life with sudden sensitivity.  Yes, you will kick up every value, belief, hope, and doubt.  But what settles down creates your new, solid ground.<

thank you, Tama, for your transparency,

for truly i have just experienced 3 such days!