just paint

Earlier this month,
I joined some of my Illinois family
to paint my sister's garage: pure white!
As the month of July ends,
I have returned to Houston
to get out my acrylics, brushes, and old canvases
so I may join Pixie Campbell
& others in a 5-week paint exploration!  
http://pixiecampbell.com/visualquest

the Artist's Rule notes and quotes

i am pre-reading
one of the books
on my summer reading list:
the Artist's Rule
because i just can't wait
for some encouragement for my soul.
This morning,
i perused week 8 with my morning coffee.
the view, with my morning coffee,
from my apartment
is not nearly as grand as this, yet,
 ~> i am a dreamer,
and i hope for morning coffee in spots like this!


-"love can be demanding.  making our relationships a priority, and serving even when we don't feel lite it are not always easy.  love necessitates that we allow the people in our lives to be themselves without our wishing they were different.  in our challenges with others, we are invited to welcome dissonance and notice the stirrings in our own hearts."

-"others often can see aspects of ourselves that we cannot .  consider asking someone you trust deeply to tell you how they see your gifts at work in the world and the places where you seem to hold yourself back.  receive these words with reverence and humility, and welcome in what they might have to teach you about your own creative journey."

-"the friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion,
   who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement,
   who can tolerate knowing.... not healing, not curing...
   that is a friend who cares."  ~Henri J. M. Nouwen~

glean

1) to extract (information) from various sources

2) to collect gradually and bit by bit

   synonyms:  gather, collect, pick up

the gleaners, the creation of Jean-Francois Millet, is a reflection of the book of Ruth and often referred to as a hymn of labor.

 Ruth tells the story of a woman gleaning fields 

 for sustenance and the long ago practice

by wealthy landowners to instruct the reapers to leave behind bits of grain during harvest time to assist those in need. on my bleak grey days i feel in need. after the doubt, despair, pity and tears are over, I get quiet. it is then i can hear a still small voice inviting me to gather up beauty, creativity, and simplicity to sustain me.

a friend has introduced me to the book: the artist's rule, 

by Christine Valters Paintner. 

i bought a copy & will make a summer study of it, 

but summer is a few months away

and i need the kindness of this author now.  

so i have been opening the book up, bit by bit, 

and  collecting some goodness to nourish my soul.

Jane Redmont writes this recommendation of the book:  

"Monastic practices are not just for monks;

living a creative life is not just for professional artists.

Christine Valters Paintner teaches us these truths as a wise, 

gentle guide who knows when to speak and when to get out 

of the way.  With her help, we open ourselves to the Mystery

at the heart of life, and in so doing come to know ourselves 

more deeply and to bring forth gifts for others."

Those who go out weeping carrying seed to sow

will return with songs of joy carrying sheaves with them.

Psalm 126

deliberate

this post is my response
to a blog challenge
given by Andrea Hiltbrunner,
who lives in the Alps in Switzerland!
i am honored to be connected to her through Art.

Andrea's challenge is a word:  deliberate
deliberate: done consciously & intentionally

i chose this image from my photos
as a match for the word.
when i am @ my most deliberate
i don't hold back
i draw boldly
and engage enthusiastically.
when i am deliberate doors open!

focus

the summer of 2008,
i studied ART in Italy and Germany.
there i learned to "focus".
there i began the mark-making
that most pleases me:
blind contour and contour drawings.

i focus on the line,
let my eyes instruct my hand,
allow my brain to be bypassed,
and watch as a simple clarity
is captured over and over
in my sketchbook.

gazing @ the woman
i was almost 5 years ago,
i see myself as i am...
a wanderer
and a beholder of beauty.

broken open

"What is asked of us," Raymond John Baughan had said,
"is that we break open our blocked caves and find each other.
Nothing less will heal the anguished spirit
or release the heart to act in love."

(quote found while re-reading the Mitford series by Jan Karon)

over and done

we attended a party

before we were married.

we danced,

we smiled, we laughed,

we glowed

out 
on

that little dance floor.

we attended the same party

one month married.

I wanted to dance, 

to smile, to laugh,

to glow,

to hope others 
would join us

out 
on

that little dance floor.

he danced with me once,

and then had enough.

"what kept you from dancing?"

there was no reply.

"what kept you from dancing?

i want to know why.”

he chose not to dance

when other men said:

"if you dance with your wife, 

hold her close 
like before~

then our wives will watch

they'll pressure us more

to go

out with them 
on

that little dance floor.”

a choice

kept his presence 
from me that night

a connection of joy and affection

was broken by slight

out 
on

that little dance floor.

short circuit

melancholy thoughts
come uninvited
thoughts about a time

when i held on, but you let go

silence and wondering on my part

distance with no explanation needed on your part

once bright

the bulb flickered

then burnt out

with no replacement to be found

declaration

 

"I will not die an unlived life. 
 I will not live in fear 
 Of falling or catching fire. 



 I choose to inhabit my days, 
 To allow my living to open me, 
 To make me less afraid, 
 More accessible; 

 To loosen my heart 

 Until it becomes a wing, 

 A torch, a promise. 

 I choose to risk my significance, 

 To live so that which came to me as seed 
 Goes to the next as blossom, 
 And that which came to me as blossom, 
 Goes on as fruit."
 ~Dawna Markova

affinity

in honor of Diane David,
my online friend 
who scooped me up
and embraced me 
from a farm in Vermont!
thank you for being 
calm, consistent, 
whimsical, & kind~
i treasure these gifts 
that you shared 
and left behind.

"Art 
gives me a place to put sorrow 
and work through to optimism."  
~Diane David

small faith

to blog,
to write,
to journal,
to type out my thoughts
allows the privilege of editing
& being sure of what i share.

to speak
my thoughts
aLOUD
to others
to do so in the moment they are passing by
is
to reveal myself
to risk being known
to dare to be understood or misunderstood.

i prefer to write rather than to speak.
yet, in times of fear
i speak
uncensored
in order
to hear myself think...
in hope
that some one
will speak
my words
my truth
my small faith
back to me.

wonder

photo: http://polycandelon.com

murmur: a soft or gentle utterance

murmuration: a flock of starlings

http://www.islandsandrivers.com/our-films/#murmuration

the edge

the song in its entirety

is not relevant to me.

yet,

the word imagery of Lady Gaga

in one phrase resonates;

a lyrical line

of revelation

& significance.

an intimate space,

a moment of holiness ,

a sense of such goodness,

that I recognize

the One who knows me by name

is present.

~I'm on the edge of glory

and I'm hanging on a moment of truth~

on a dance floor

a cowboy
danced with me
3 songs in a row, last night.
he was forthright.
he told me how smart he was,
and how wealthy he was,
he told me how good looking & strong.
he told me how talented he was,
while we 2-stepped to the music.
my response after the listening:
"wow, all that and you are humble too."
(i'm not sure he heard me over the noise.)

i danced with another cowboy
who could not speak but a squeak.
his frame and voice
were altered by some harm or disease.
he motioned "would you like to dance?"
and i accepted.
we danced
3 songs in a row, in silence
and
i felt his confidence
in who he was
as an altered man,
humble, strong, & gracious.

dancing is a sensory language.
dancing speaks more than movement,
it speaks of character.
last night i learned
that confidence is
a quality that needn't introduce itself.
last night i remembered
that confidence is...
able to carry a person forward
in a steady rhythm
to an unfamiliar tune.

habitation

this summer is a time for nesting
and a time for spreading my wings.

ART JOURNALING
with no rules
PAINTING
with fingers
SKETCHING
with intuitive marks
READING
with colored pencil underlinings
PRAYING
with wordless prayers
BELIEVING
with small faith
FLYING
in to an open space
unknown, uncharted...
and finding space to nestle in.

Late Fragment

And
did you get
what you wanted from this life,
even so?

I did.

And what did you want?

To call myself beloved,
to feel myself beloved on the earth.

~Raymond Carver

new habitation

i went back to college @ a merry mature age,

studying ART for education as my declared/desired major.

when I graduated from college

i continued creating ART and pursued teaching.

i was surprised by a hiring freeze and no job. 

i was then educated by 18 months of substitute teaching

and surmised to myself 
that this might be my manner of existence.

i felt like Alice contiually tumbling into the unknown.

i was shocked when offered a job to teach ART...

with gratitude and excitement, i accepted the job.

i have been reading: This Time I Dance.

the book has come into my hands at just the right time.

The author, Tama, tells a story

of pursuing her desire to be a writer

through a series of essays.

i found the following excerpt to be particularly meaning-full this a.m.

>Okay, I hate to break it to you, but get ready for maddening days.  You've just leaped from an established life and you're all gung ho -crazed really- to begin a new established life and yet, what's this, you suddenly can't heave yourself out of bed and it takes you eight hours to finish your "morning" coffee.  All your spirit has fizzled and you're moving in slow motion and now you've started to scare yourself into thinking that maybe this is it: You really are incompetent and you've just started your brand new futile life.

Well, please stop terrorizing yourself.  You're right on track.  I know you want to do, do, do.  But this time asks of you your "undoing". Floating without a context or a business card.  Unleashing tears you may have shunned for years.  Dying to your shell and inhabiting life with sudden sensitivity.  Yes, you will kick up every value, belief, hope, and doubt.  But what settles down creates your new, solid ground.<

thank you, Tama, for your transparency,

for truly i have just experienced 3 such days!

this time I dance

"It's the unencumbered mind or child self
that retains our joy and the connection
to things unseen, but known."

above quote from:
This Time I Dance by Tama J Kieves,
trusting the journey
of creating the work you love.
A friend coaxed me to read the book,
I am now recommending it to you!

ART is education.

long ago,
I had a high school ART teacher
who believed that creativity lived in me.
she taught me more than ART.
she taught me about
diversity,
and quiet,
and thinking bigger than my surroundings.
now,
40 years later
I have been given the opportunity
to teach high school ART.
I am full of excitement
to be with students this coming fall
and teach them about
diversity,
and quiet,
and thinking bigger than their surroundings.

Invitation:

If you are a dreamer, come in.

If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar,

A hope-er, a pray-er, a magic bean buyer…

If you’re a pretender, come sit by my fire,

For we have some flax golden tales to spin.

Come in!  Come in!

(Shel Silverstein)

of value to me...

restoration & transformation
are of value to me.
i am
drawn
to
the once
& potential beauty of
lost, damaged, broken, discarded, neglected
places, people & things.
i am
not alone
in this pursuit.

http://blogs.soartists.com/ArtMatters/2011/07/21/reverse-graffiti-south-african-artists-create-clean-murals/

this reverse graffiti link
is to celebrate
all
who see what can be!