broken open

"What is asked of us," Raymond John Baughan had said,
"is that we break open our blocked caves and find each other.
Nothing less will heal the anguished spirit
or release the heart to act in love."

(quote found while re-reading the Mitford series by Jan Karon)

over and done

we attended a party

before we were married.

we danced,

we smiled, we laughed,

we glowed

out 
on

that little dance floor.

we attended the same party

one month married.

I wanted to dance, 

to smile, to laugh,

to glow,

to hope others 
would join us

out 
on

that little dance floor.

he danced with me once,

and then had enough.

"what kept you from dancing?"

there was no reply.

"what kept you from dancing?

i want to know why.”

he chose not to dance

when other men said:

"if you dance with your wife, 

hold her close 
like before~

then our wives will watch

they'll pressure us more

to go

out with them 
on

that little dance floor.”

a choice

kept his presence 
from me that night

a connection of joy and affection

was broken by slight

out 
on

that little dance floor.

short circuit

melancholy thoughts
come uninvited
thoughts about a time

when i held on, but you let go

silence and wondering on my part

distance with no explanation needed on your part

once bright

the bulb flickered

then burnt out

with no replacement to be found

declaration

 

"I will not die an unlived life. 
 I will not live in fear 
 Of falling or catching fire. 



 I choose to inhabit my days, 
 To allow my living to open me, 
 To make me less afraid, 
 More accessible; 

 To loosen my heart 

 Until it becomes a wing, 

 A torch, a promise. 

 I choose to risk my significance, 

 To live so that which came to me as seed 
 Goes to the next as blossom, 
 And that which came to me as blossom, 
 Goes on as fruit."
 ~Dawna Markova

affinity

in honor of Diane David,
my online friend 
who scooped me up
and embraced me 
from a farm in Vermont!
thank you for being 
calm, consistent, 
whimsical, & kind~
i treasure these gifts 
that you shared 
and left behind.

"Art 
gives me a place to put sorrow 
and work through to optimism."  
~Diane David

small faith

to blog,
to write,
to journal,
to type out my thoughts
allows the privilege of editing
& being sure of what i share.

to speak
my thoughts
aLOUD
to others
to do so in the moment they are passing by
is
to reveal myself
to risk being known
to dare to be understood or misunderstood.

i prefer to write rather than to speak.
yet, in times of fear
i speak
uncensored
in order
to hear myself think...
in hope
that some one
will speak
my words
my truth
my small faith
back to me.

wonder

photo: http://polycandelon.com

murmur: a soft or gentle utterance

murmuration: a flock of starlings

http://www.islandsandrivers.com/our-films/#murmuration

the edge

the song in its entirety

is not relevant to me.

yet,

the word imagery of Lady Gaga

in one phrase resonates;

a lyrical line

of revelation

& significance.

an intimate space,

a moment of holiness ,

a sense of such goodness,

that I recognize

the One who knows me by name

is present.

~I'm on the edge of glory

and I'm hanging on a moment of truth~

on a dance floor

a cowboy
danced with me
3 songs in a row, last night.
he was forthright.
he told me how smart he was,
and how wealthy he was,
he told me how good looking & strong.
he told me how talented he was,
while we 2-stepped to the music.
my response after the listening:
"wow, all that and you are humble too."
(i'm not sure he heard me over the noise.)

i danced with another cowboy
who could not speak but a squeak.
his frame and voice
were altered by some harm or disease.
he motioned "would you like to dance?"
and i accepted.
we danced
3 songs in a row, in silence
and
i felt his confidence
in who he was
as an altered man,
humble, strong, & gracious.

dancing is a sensory language.
dancing speaks more than movement,
it speaks of character.
last night i learned
that confidence is
a quality that needn't introduce itself.
last night i remembered
that confidence is...
able to carry a person forward
in a steady rhythm
to an unfamiliar tune.

habitation

this summer is a time for nesting
and a time for spreading my wings.

ART JOURNALING
with no rules
PAINTING
with fingers
SKETCHING
with intuitive marks
READING
with colored pencil underlinings
PRAYING
with wordless prayers
BELIEVING
with small faith
FLYING
in to an open space
unknown, uncharted...
and finding space to nestle in.

Late Fragment

And
did you get
what you wanted from this life,
even so?

I did.

And what did you want?

To call myself beloved,
to feel myself beloved on the earth.

~Raymond Carver

new habitation

i went back to college @ a merry mature age,

studying ART for education as my declared/desired major.

when I graduated from college

i continued creating ART and pursued teaching.

i was surprised by a hiring freeze and no job. 

i was then educated by 18 months of substitute teaching

and surmised to myself 
that this might be my manner of existence.

i felt like Alice contiually tumbling into the unknown.

i was shocked when offered a job to teach ART...

with gratitude and excitement, i accepted the job.

i have been reading: This Time I Dance.

the book has come into my hands at just the right time.

The author, Tama, tells a story

of pursuing her desire to be a writer

through a series of essays.

i found the following excerpt to be particularly meaning-full this a.m.

>Okay, I hate to break it to you, but get ready for maddening days.  You've just leaped from an established life and you're all gung ho -crazed really- to begin a new established life and yet, what's this, you suddenly can't heave yourself out of bed and it takes you eight hours to finish your "morning" coffee.  All your spirit has fizzled and you're moving in slow motion and now you've started to scare yourself into thinking that maybe this is it: You really are incompetent and you've just started your brand new futile life.

Well, please stop terrorizing yourself.  You're right on track.  I know you want to do, do, do.  But this time asks of you your "undoing". Floating without a context or a business card.  Unleashing tears you may have shunned for years.  Dying to your shell and inhabiting life with sudden sensitivity.  Yes, you will kick up every value, belief, hope, and doubt.  But what settles down creates your new, solid ground.<

thank you, Tama, for your transparency,

for truly i have just experienced 3 such days!

this time I dance

"It's the unencumbered mind or child self
that retains our joy and the connection
to things unseen, but known."

above quote from:
This Time I Dance by Tama J Kieves,
trusting the journey
of creating the work you love.
A friend coaxed me to read the book,
I am now recommending it to you!

ART is education.

long ago,
I had a high school ART teacher
who believed that creativity lived in me.
she taught me more than ART.
she taught me about
diversity,
and quiet,
and thinking bigger than my surroundings.
now,
40 years later
I have been given the opportunity
to teach high school ART.
I am full of excitement
to be with students this coming fall
and teach them about
diversity,
and quiet,
and thinking bigger than their surroundings.

Invitation:

If you are a dreamer, come in.

If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar,

A hope-er, a pray-er, a magic bean buyer…

If you’re a pretender, come sit by my fire,

For we have some flax golden tales to spin.

Come in!  Come in!

(Shel Silverstein)

of value to me...

restoration & transformation
are of value to me.
i am
drawn
to
the once
& potential beauty of
lost, damaged, broken, discarded, neglected
places, people & things.
i am
not alone
in this pursuit.

http://blogs.soartists.com/ArtMatters/2011/07/21/reverse-graffiti-south-african-artists-create-clean-murals/

this reverse graffiti link
is to celebrate
all
who see what can be!

"right as a morning in May"

this morning i saw the following video & felt whole and new.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OPSAgs-exfQ&feature=related

the footage creates a link for me

to one of my favorite poems by Philip Booth, "first lesson".

Lie back daughter, 

let your head be tipped back in the cup of my hand.
Gently, and I will hold you. 

Spread your arms wide, lie out on the stream and look high at the gulls. 

A dead-man's float is face down. 

You will dive and swim soon enough where this tidewater ebbs to the sea. 

Daughter, believe me, when you tire on the long thrash to your island, lie up, 

                                                                                                     and survive.
As you float now, 

where I held you and let go, 

remember when fear cramps your heart what I told you:
lie gently and wide to the light-year stars, lie back, and the sea will hold you. 

gloria patri

glory be to the Father
and to the Son and to the Holy Ghost~
as it was in the beginning,
is now and ever shall be
world without end
amen, amen.

ARTwork

I am excited
to be enrolled in class again this spring~
continuing ART education is the best!
Soul Restoration 2 has begun.
The class is offered by Melody Ross
and runs April 17th to May 28th.
I am a "brave girl"
creating the life I want to live… 
             the life I will LOVE!

believe

Tara Gentile quote:
the message
you are
speaking
through
what you
create
is exactly
the message
someone
is waiting
to hear

heartsease

“let go”
a simple action and ascent of my will.
my mind agrees with the wisdom
there is no other course!
yet my emotions, my heart, my soul, my spirit,
cling tight and struggle with 2 little words.

sometimes an altered life
continues to be snipped & sewn & reworked
and there is wondering
about who & where i will be
when all these alterations are complete.

intent

these "intention" cards
hang in my closet
i see them each day
& they call out to me:
"are you creating your intentions or not?"

i like intention cards
because they help me
see, hear, and feel
the evidence of
what i really and truly am about
versus
what i think i want to be about.

calendar challenge ~>march

"if you want to be happy, be."  Henry David Thoreau

March winds and April showers bring forth May flowers

march weather in Houston is unpredictable.
many of my life circumstances right now are unpredictable.
i do have the ability
to create around and within the unpredictable.
for this month
for 31 days
i am choosing to create order & simplicity.
i am using a William Morris quote as a compass
in accomplishing my march goal:
"have nothing in your house that
you do not know to be ~USEFUL
or believe to be ~BEAUTIFUL."

#29

“But I also say this: 
that light is an invitation to happiness, 
and that happiness, when it's done right, 
is a kind of holiness, palpable and redemptive. ” 
― Mary Oliver

#28

#27

#26

"If you're feeling frightened 

about what comes next... don't.

Embrace the uncertainty.  

Allow it to lead you places. 

Be brave as it challenges you 

to exercise both your heart and your mind

to create your own path towards happiness.

Don't waste time with regret. 

Spin wildly into your next action.

Enjoy the present, each moment as it comes,

because you'll never get another one quite like it.

And if you should ever look up and find yourself lost,

simply take a breath and start over.  

Retrace your steps 

and go back to the purest place in your heart,

where your hope lives. You'll find your way again."

~> Julia Brown, Everwood

#25

down by the bay

#24

wisdom on a Starbucks wall

#23

#22

main street mural

#21

#20

street smart

#19

"there's a place that I go that nobody knows
 where the river flows and I call it home."

#18